Welcome to a Healthy Core

Living life healthily from the inside out in every realm of life. 
 

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Number 3 out of 4 thoughts on a healthy spiritual heart

In the last blog we talked about the second of four thoughts on how to have a healthy spiritual heart. I've blogged a lot on having a healthy physical and emotional heart, but having a healthy spiritual heart is just as important. I write from my faith and my own paradigm.

King Solomon of Israel, one of the wisest men to walk the earth, said in the Book of Proverbs, 
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is a well spring of life" or in another version says, "for out of it spring the issues of life". So if the most important thing to one of the wisest men ever is to guard your heart, then it's time to listen. Thankfully he then proceeds to write four lines of instruction. 


"Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.
Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.
Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm.
Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil." 

Let's look at the third one: "Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm."

3. Navigate Life's Journey Well.

One way we can guard our heart is to avoid making foolish decisions that will lead to miserable outcomes. Living a life full of drama and stress is a great recipe for an unguarded heart full of anxiety, sorrow, unforgiveness and hurt. You can protect your heart by avoiding foolish reckless decisions that lead you to unsteady roads full of crooked paths and sinking quicksand. 


Here are a few thoughts on navigating life's journey well:
  
A. Chart the Course: When you are traveling along on the journey of life, take a moment and reflect on where you are heading. You may have never taken the time to really decide the direction your life is going. The reality is many a person has capsized, shipwrecked or been lost at sea because they lost sight of where they were headed or really never took the time to chart the course or check the weather conditions. 


Steven Covey, the author of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, talks a lot about "begin with the end in mind". He goes on to ask what do you want read at your funeral? How many lives do you want affected by your life? Do you want people mourning for you because of the amazing impact you made on their life and the world or perhaps instead someone dancing in a red dress on your grave. The choice is really yours and it starts today. 


People work their whole lives for a paycheck and then what? They look back on a life of hard work, even raising a family but what contribution did it make to the world and what did it matter in scope of eternity. It's at this point they wonder what their purpose was and still is. 


Everyone has a purpose and it's up to you to figure it out, of course I suggest you pursue the discovery with prayer. There are tell tale signs of a person's purpose. Finding out what you love to do, what makes you angry and what you are really good at are three ways in helping you determine your purpose. For example, I love to help people, I get angry when someone takes advantage of a vulnerable people and I am good at influencing others and anything creative. So this tells me that I can use my creativity, like writing, to help people who are in need and influence others to do the same. Someone once said "if you can do for a living what you love to do then you'll never work a day in your life."


Figuring out your purpose will help you know where you're going and if you know now where you are going then you will begin now to make decisions that lead you to your destination. You might need to change degrees, reach to do an internship or relocate to follow your dreams. Whatever it is, the dream in your heart will steer you towards your destination. 


B. Use Wisdom as Your Compass: The main thing that you need to guide you is your compass. Your compass will keep you out of unmarked waters. Your compass (or GPS) for life's journey is Wisdom. Let Wisdom be your compass. 


There are two major schools in life that will teach you everything you need to know. The first is the school of wisdom and the second is the school of 'hard knocks'. I have attended both and have to say that gleaning from the school of wisdom is a much better way than learning through hard knocks or poor choices. Proverbs 19:18 says, "He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; he who cherishes understanding prospers."  


The school of wisdom is advice from people further along the journey. It would be foolish to ignore the advice of people who have already sailed in the same waters. Learn from others whose lives resemble the destination you want. If you want wisdom on how to keep a healthy marriage then talk to people who've been married for a long time. If you want to be a Supreme Court Justice then study the career paths of those who've become Justices. It's a no brainer. Find the people who have success in areas you want to pursue and learn from them.  

Here are some very wise people that I look to regularly for wisdom:
Finances = Dave Ramsey 
Leadership =John Maxwell 
Emotional and Spiritual Health= Joyce Meyer 
Physical Health= Jordan Rubin,
Time Management= Steve Covey 
Leadership & Creativity= Michael Hyatt 

I know so many people who just want to be happy, married, rich, or famous but the reality is learning wisdom is the key to having prosperity in your life. Wisdom is so easily accessible. The Book of Proverbs in the bible is full of wisdom, the writers listed above have written tons of books on this subject, and there are pastors and leadership gurus who talk on personal growth and development all over the web and bookstores. Use wisdom as your compass and you will reach your destination.


C. develop healthy relationships with your crew mates: You may have chosen some of your crew mates already or they have been chosen for you but from this point forward take responsibility for your choice in future relationships and set the tone on the one's you have now. When you are sailing it is important that you partner with others who are up for the journey. They don't have to be skilled sailors but none the less they should be willing to learn and able to go the distance. Steven Covey once said "Our greatest joy and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others." Let's learn to steward relationships well. 


The biggest thing that can devastate a relationship is unrealistic expectation. If we are constantly expecting a person in our lives to do something or behave a certain way and they are not then we will ultimately be disappointed. The best way to avoid this disappointment is developing excellent communication skills. Doing this can improve the condition of relationships and help to foster an open and safe atmosphere where intimacy can be bred. Stop building walls and start building bridges through communication.
Here's a couple ways to do that:

1. Begin to embrace honesty in communication. I'm not saying throw tactfulness or politeness out the window but strive for integrity in what you communicate and be sure to tell people what you want. No one is really a mind reader so stop expecting them to do what you want without telling them what you want.



2. Set Boundaries. You have to communicate what you are comfortable with and what you are not. Some things are not ok and it's good to express that. Also honor others boundaries. 


3. Eliminate manipulation and control from your language. Eliminate trying to control others to get your way. When you do, you'll discover you don't always know what's the best thing after all. When you try to control or manipulate others you will make them miserable and eventually lose out in the end. Also, don't allow yourself to be manipulated. I have found that if someone is trying to manipulate me, I will just call them out on it. "Are you trying to guilt me?" Sometimes people don't even know they are doing it. It's good to let them know you aren't controlled by manipulation. 


4. Forgive. Quit keeping score. Communicate forgiveness and receive forgiveness and you will see a freedom and health in your relationships that will bring about great joy. 


Go into relationships with the thought to give and not take. Be considerate, thoughtful, kind and most importantly express your love to people. I love this quote by Steven Levine, "If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?"
Navigate Life's Journeys well because you want to arrive at your desired destination with all your crew in tow. 








Monday, September 6, 2010

Number 2 out of 4 thoughts on a healthy spiritual heart

In the last blog we talked about the first of four thoughts on how to have a healthy spiritual heart. I've blogged a lot on having a healthy physical and emotional heart, but having a healthy spiritual heart is just as important. I write from my faith and my own paradigm.



King Solomon of Israel, one of the wisest men to walk the earth, said in the book of proverbs, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is a well spring of life" or in another version says, "for out of it spring the issues of life". So if the most important thing to one of the wisest men ever is to guard your heart then it's time to listen. Thankfully he then proceeds to write four lines of instruction. 


"Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.


Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.


Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm.

Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil." 

We are going to look at the second one: "Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you."

2. Focus Forward

If I were to get in my car and back out of the driveway, I would need to look in my rear view mirror. It comes in handy for a portion of the journey. However if I were to move out of reverse and put the car in drive and continue to use the rear view mirror for the rest of the journey, you know there would be some disastrous results. Changing lanes makes a great parallel to evaluating past decisions, a quick glance will do you. Evaluate quickly and make your move. You can't drive safely or get where you need to go by looking continually behind you. You look straight ahead to reach your destination. 


Here's are a few thoughts on how to focus on the journey ahead:



A. Stop looking at the past.
It is very easy to have a wounded heart if you focus on what's behind you. If your energy is completely centered around situations that hurt you or people who have let you down then not only will you live in that moment, you're going to miss great moments ahead as well. I'm not saying to ignore things in your past because clearly if you don't deal with those situations then they will have a hold of your future ones. Sometimes when we've been hurt or abused, instead of dealing with the situation we tend to put ourselves repeatedly back in the same scenario to see if it will work out the way we want it to this time. That  rarely happens. If you can evaluate the situation, deal with it and move on, then you are much less likely to get in that situation again, whether as the perpetrator or the victim.

B. Stop looking at other people and things.
Comparison and distractions will keep you from focusing on your journey. Let's get back to that driving metaphor. Say you're in a race and you're doing great. You are on track and making good time. What if you start to look at the people driving next to you. You can start to feel insecure that your car isn't good enough or arrogantly underestimate your competition. What if you get into focusing so much on the person next to you, you miss a turn, hit a car in front of you or you just get plain lost. To get on track spiritually, get your eyes off people, get them on God, so you will see clearly where to go. People will disappoint you, so focus on God.

C. Check your motives.
The biggest thing that looking around instead of focusing forward will do is effect your motives.  Motives are a big deal to God. You could have begun a homeless outreach out of the compassion of your heart ten years ago and now you are reaching hundreds of people. That's awesome if you are doing it for the right reason still. Yes people are being helped regardless, but unless you keep your heart pure, it won't last. If the motive begins to be about the pats on the back, the name recognition or the media attention, then you didn't guard your heart. Corruption will always make its way into an unguarded heart, because your ego is never satisfied. 

Say you want to make a billion dollars, then go for it. We need some more philanthropists in this hurting world, but be ready to give plenty of it away. The second that money begins to have a hold on you then you didn't guard your heart and corruption will come.  There's no health in a spiritual heart where corruption lies. That's why Jesus said "Pick up your cross, deny yourself and follow me."  Never should your ego or lust for physical comfort or material things rule your heart. The ego comes last for spiritual health to shine. 

The amazing thing about a healthy heart is how slight the tweak needs to be to get back on track. If you feel something has a hold over you then ask God for help and do the opposite of what you feel.  Just serve somebody without them knowing. Do something kind to someone who can't repay you. Give lavishly to a worthy project completely anonymously. These are great ways to get your motives right and regain your focus. What ever you choose to do in life, put a major emphasis on your motives and guard your heart so you can see great spiritual health emerge. 

D.  Know where you're going.
Figure out where you are going in every realm of life. If you make no plans for  your physical health then you could end up in a doctor's office with bad news or a hospital room with grieving loved ones. If you make no plans for your financial health then you could end up in debt, with poor credit and in constant crisis mode. If you have no idea where you're going spiritually than you could ultimately end up somewhere spiritually bankrupt. 

I set goals where I attend to go spiritually every year. For example I determine that I will pray and read scripture daily, attend regular church and worship service, set days aside for fasting, attend conferences on spiritual growth, read books on spiritual principles, follow my pastors' spiritual direction and reach out to hurting people with the love of Jesus. I am not perfect with all of this but I have goals and I try to reach them. There is a saying that 'goals that are not written down are just wishes'. If you want to know where you are going in any realm, set some specific goals.

E. Choose to move on. 

I know this one can be hard. When I accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior fourteen years ago I was so relieved to feel the overwhelming love and forgiveness of God sweep over my heart. Once I felt that forgiveness I found it easier to forgive others. I still had a person or two I was just not ready to forgive and then a wise friend told me to look at unforgiveness like this:  you are taking a poison pill and waiting for the other person to die. I realized I wasn't perfect and needed forgiveness so how could I possibly hold something against another imperfect person. 


Unforgiveness really is a poison and it will kill you: kill your ability to give and receive love, kill the quality of your relationships, kill the opportunities in life.  If you hold unforgiveness in your heart you will hold bitterness too. Bitter people repel anything good that tries to come into their life. Choosing to be bitter is a mistake. You might thing that you have no choice but to be bitter because people hurt or abused you. Your choice is the one thing people can not take from you. 


Viktor Frankl, a Jewish therapist, neurosurgeon, Auschwitz survivor and philosopher wrote, "We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."


What is done to us does not have to determine our decisions and choices. It often does but ultimately it doesn't have to. Choose to live a life free of unforgiveness, bitterness and rage. I don't expect someone to do it without God's help but I do think with that help it can radically revolutionize a persons whole life. There is nothing like experiencing freedom from unforgiveness. I know because in my heart there is peace where there was once chaos, there is joy where there was once misery, there is hope where there was once hopelessness and there is love where there was once hate. 











More on Viktor Franklhttp://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/frankl.html