If investing in relationships is not a priority, then you may need to deal with the following list.
Loneliness: Unhealthy foods becomes a substitute for many people when they are lonely regardless if they are in a relationship or not. We've all done it, ate fattening food to fill an emotional void. The reality is food is not your friend. It is however supposed to nourish your body and provide the minerals, vitamins, proteins, antioxidants and so on that it needs to maintain health. If you put food where healthy relationships belong, you still end up with that empty void as well as health and possible esteem problems. If you are lonely then make an effort to meet new people. You can develop friendships by getting involved at church, going to the park or museum, joining a gym, taking a class you're interested in like a foreign language, or volunteering for a great cause. If you are lonely take the initiative and meet some people. Donuts will do you dirty.
Unresolved Conflict: Some people will use food or addictive habits like tobacco usage or alcohol/drug abuse to avoid conflict. Unfortunately stuffing your emotions won't work. What goes in will come out at some point. The longer it is stuffed the harsher it comes out. Dealing with conflict in a healthy positive way means addressing it as it comes, and always looking at how to resolve it, not how to win the fight. When you discuss what's bothering you in a calm way and learn to forgive quickly, you will not need to stuff anything. If there is unresolved conflict from past situations or even childhood, deal with it. Do not allow it to fester any longer or it will rob you of your health. What works best for me is writing it out, dealing with it in prayer and choosing to forgive. I have found this to be the best way to resolve things from my past. Sometimes the help of another person, like a therapist or pastor, is beneficial. Support groups like 12 step or Celebrate Recovery can be very helpful as well.
Stress: When situations at work are stressful or finances are scarce, relationships can suffer. Many people find eating when stressed helps them endure. All of a sudden it seems like you can handle the situation. Unfortunately however there is a cost which can be your weight or health. Here are two things that help you handle stress, so it doesn't put a strain on relationships.
a. Exercise. It is the number one stress reliever. Exercise relaxes you and causes the happy hormones, serotonin and dopamine, to increase. They help you feel better, think clearer and possess more energy. If you find a situation comes up and you begin to feel that stress begin, excuse yourself and go for a walk outside. The walking and fresh air will do wonders for you. Incorporate exercise daily into your routine and see your stress level plummet.
b. Supplements. There are a some great supplements that help people deal with stress on the market. All vitamin B's, particularly Vitamin B6, are great for stress. Others are Magnesium, Holy Basil, a Multi-Vitamin, Fish Oil, Relora(Marshmallow Bark), Kava Kava, Valerian, and L-Theanine are all good. Do some research, talk to a health food store supplement specialist and see what might be of benefit to you.
1. Learn people's love language.
2. Learn to set and respect others' boundaries.
A book I found to be extremely useful in my life in the relationship realm, is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
Learn people's love language. This is how people you are in relationship with feel loved: spouse, romantic interest, child, family member, friends, co-workers This wisdom from Gary Chapman really changed my perspective that everyone doesn't feel loved and appreciated the way I do. Which one are you?
1. Words of Affirmation: Hearing the words "I love you" is important to this person. Giving compliments to this person also is important. This person needs positive affirmation and insults can do tremendous damage.
2. Quality Time: This person needs undivided attention lavished on them. Postponed dates, failure to listen and being distracted can be especially hurtful.
3. Receiving Gifts: The receiver of gifts thrives on the love, preparation, and the effort behind gifts. It's not materialism, it's the thoughtfulness. Btw, appreciate their gifts.
4. Acts of Service: Showing that you want to serve this person, will be the same thing as saying "I love you". This person feels loved when you help them with responsibilities.
5. Physical Touch: This isn't about the bedroom. This is about a hug, pat on the back, holding hands, touch on the arm, shoulder or face. This person feels loved when they are touched in a non sexual way.
Growing in boundaries, setting them and giving them.
There use to be a Calvin Klein perfume ad that had a pretty girl and handsome guy model in it, and the voice over said "I don't know where I end and you begin." That sounded romantic but all I could think about was the couple's therapy bills. That is not healthy. Understanding where you end and another begins is what boundaries are all about.
I have had to work hard to become a person who sets boundaries and respects them. I am very prone to say yes and be a people pleaser. However if you do this all the time you will find yourself over committed, manipulated, and often in emotional upheaval. I now know that yes is not always the right answer. I have spent time practicing the word "no" in the mirror. I have gotten quite good at it. I now have to be sure I am saying no for the right reason. You can go in the other direction too. It's all about balance
Know when to say yes and when to say no. You want to have fun in life but if you sense that you shouldn't do something, trust your gut. You will never be sorry when you go with your instinct. Also be sure to respect others boundaries. If somebody has told you no, then that's what they mean. Don't manipulate, pressure or guilt them out of their answer. Their answer deserves respect as much as yours does. You don't always know the full picture, so trust them that their answer is the right one for them.
Investing in relationships is hard work but it's worth it. When your relationships are healthy then you will see health flow to every realm in your life.
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